The 12 Days of Christmas
December 14, 1972
My dearest darling John:
Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.
My love always, Agnes

December 15, 1972
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love, Agnes

December 16, 1972
Dear John:
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.
All my love, Agnes

December 17, 1972
Dear John:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are being too romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes

December 18, 1972
Dearest John:
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Agnes

December 19, 1972
Dear John:
When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.
Cordially, Agnes

December 20, 1972
John:
What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop those freaking birds.
Sincerely, Agnes

December 21, 1972
O.K. Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their damn cows. There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass.
Agnes

December 22, 1972
Hey Shithead:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours! Agnes

December 23, 1972
You rotten prick:
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.
I'm calling the police on you! Agnes

December 24, 1972
Listen Fuckhead:
What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.
Your sworn enemy, Agnes

December 25, 1972
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially, Law Offices of Badger, Bender and Chole

1) Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly.

2) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"

3) Walk up to a small child that resembles you, and tell them that you are them from the future.

4) Put a dora doll in the middle of Walmart.When someone tries to pick it up yell "SWIPER NO SWIPING".

5) Run up to someone random on the street and slap them with a loaf of bread.

6) Go to petsmart and buy bird seed. Then ask the clerk how long it will take the birds to grow.

7) Go to McDonalds and ask for a happy meal with extra happy.

8) Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment.

9) Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"

10) Go up to random people at the mall, show them your ID, and say, "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?!"

11) Follow strangers around a store and spray everything they touch with disinfectant.

12) Buy an ice cream, ask the cashier if they believe in unicorns then squish the cone on your forehead.

13) Go to a libary and ask for a book on how to read.

14) Come late to school and when the teacher asks why say your pet rock had a seizure.

15) Go to walmart and hide in a bathroom stall when someone opens it say WELCOME TO NARNIA!!

16) Drive a tricycle past a cop while drinking a juice pouch screaming "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME".

17) Go jump on a random guys back and yell (THE SKY IS FALLING RUN MAN RUN) and see what happens.

18) Run through a police station and yell " I finally escaped from prison!"

      Things to Do Containing "try" — #1-25
1) Try to convince your little siblings they are adopted.
2) Call a pizza place and try to take their order!
3) Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment.
4) Have a conversation with the bathroom stall and if someone trysto interupt yell at them.
5) Dress up as Gandalf and stand outside wal-mart, when people try to come in shout YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
6) Try to type with your nose.
7) Try saying the word "to" with your mouth COMPLETELY closed.
8) Try and get stuck in between two automatic doors.
9) TRY TO LICK YOUR NOSE.
10) Yell Marco very loud until someone answers, when some one yells polo back, try and find them.
11) Try not to think of penguins for a minute, its harder than it sounds.
12) Walk up the stairs backwards....try not to fall over.
13) Start the macarena in a public place & try to get people to join u.
14) Try to avoid the sun and if you it touches you scream and pretend to die.
15) Try to fit in a fridge.
16) Try to sneeze with your eyes open.
17) Try to lick your shoulder.
18) Try to lick your elbow.
19) Glue a dollar Bill to the floor in shoprite and see how many stupid people try to pick it up.
20) Try to chew water.
21) Try to go up your stairs on your knees.
22) Try making cereal on a plate.
23) Try to run through a wall.
24) Try to give strangers high fives.
25) Color a lemon orange and try to get people to eat it.




 Don't just read, Try 'em!! :)