The silence only fills my head with noise..

You have to be your own hero... because sometimes, the people you can't live without can live without you.

When someone is already down, don't push the person further. If you have no words of encouragement, shut up or don't visit.

Is it still denial when you know you're in denial?

Today I laughed.... I laughed like i haven't in a long time and it felt really good. Im smiling as I post this and thinking to myself, 'I wish I can keep this up'. Despite the many reasons I came up with to not be happy, I was chided and persuaded to damn them and Boy!, am i glad. I'm thankful for my family, I'm thankful for my friends. I'm thankful for the grace to end another day, I'm thankful for the grace to be called a 'blessing to others'. I'm thankful for plantain chips (what would my life be without you?), I'm thankful for my life. And -because right now I'm courageous and convinced enough to say it- I know that no matter how bad things get, it wouldn't always be that way. It may seem so bad you don't see a future, hold on and pray, laugh and smile (fake if you have to) and say you are fine until you start to believe yourself.

Cause you don't think the last time could be the last time, you think you have forever. You don't.

Ive been given a two days ultimatum to write a list of things I want to do this Christmas. So far, all I've written is, 'Stuff i want to do this Christmas- 1) '. I can think of a few things but id rather not. Has something to do with the fact that I don't want to have expectations.

A poem would be nice i guess
it shouldn't be hard, it's not chess
it'll make you smile i pray
it's your birthday and this is how I'd pay
roses are red, violets are blue
why this is a rhyme i have no clue
it's your birthday and im feeling gay
hope you are too, it's December not may
'you're older today' all would say
it's your day now isn't it Jay? :)
As you jump and dance your fears away
i want to wish you a Happy birthday:) 
Happy Birthday Jay :) wish you all the best from the bumbum of my heart... Have fun! :D

I finally looked in a calendar few minutes ago and 'discovered' we are already in December. Before I looked, I'd been patiently waiting for December and stubbornly refusing to think of Christmas. Everytime the thought comes that Christmas is near, i cover it up with another thought. Im not very sure why I do this, I have various reasons however. One of them being that I fear this Christmas would be the worst. Another being that I don't want to expect too much from anybody, anything or even 'anyday' anymore. Well enough of the sour thoughts. What I actually wish to write about is something I promised myself to 'build a bridge and get over'. Although the foundation of this bridge is in place, I keep unintentionally knocking it down. When that happens, I have to being the painful process again but thankfully, it hurts less to build this time. I know eventually I would get midway or even complete this bridge, I can't see myself getting over it but i know that's just my eyes blurred by tears. They'd stop pretty soon, I'd rise right after that and I'd gallantly get to the other side. Well would you look at that.. So much for not writing about it -_-